Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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