I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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