College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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