I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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