sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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