if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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