I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
