I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
