He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
