her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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