never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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