i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
