Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
