look no pants
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
