And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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