she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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