i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
