he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Randomize
