what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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