so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
