I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
