broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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