Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
