No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
