Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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