there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she smelled like a LAN party
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
