i'm signing you up for texting rehab
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
