there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
