I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
