I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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