Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
