Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
