My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
