I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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