I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
