My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
