so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
