eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
