soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Green mimosas i think yes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
