I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
