You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
