I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
