I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
