people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
