that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i think my cat just said my name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
