I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
