I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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