Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
