Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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