And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
