i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
