We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
