Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
